July 7, 2013

Abu Qatada feels very silly after realising there is of course no god or afterlife, he said yesterday.

The radical cleric was looking at a moth when he realised all his theological expectations amounted to no more or less than the creature’s repeated bashing of its face against his bedside lamp, he explained.

“The difference I suppose is that the moth didn’t want to kill me for not smashing my own face into the lamp,” he said

“I feel like a right tit,” he added. “You’ve got to laugh, though. Right?”

He said it was just as well he was being deported from the UK as he would be fucked if he bumped into Anjem Choudary following his revelation.

“He actually will smash my face into a lamp,” said Qatada. “Bloke’s a nutter.”