July 8, 2013

John Inverdale looks like a werewolf being administered a suppository, the BBC Trust has found.

The Trust investigated Inverdale’s comment that Wimbledon champion Marion Bartoli would “never be a looker” and concluded the presenter resembled a gargoyle that fell off Notre Dame into some grey sick.

A spokesman for the Trust said: “We gave careful consideration to the hundreds of complaints, and to the comment in the context of our guidelines. We concluded unanimously that John Inverdale looks like an alopecic badger being raped.

“Like a giant tortoise trying to have sex with steel wool. Like a toad attempting to eat the world.”

Inverdale said: “My dad told me when I was little, ‘You’re never going to be a looker, you’ll never be a Paul Newman, so you have to be an ignorant sexist fuck.'”