July 30, 2013

The Pope is politically and morally confused, he admitted today.

Being head of an institution so obviously wrong on so many counts has left him unsure what he thinks about anything, he said.

“For instance, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being homosexual,” he said. “But at the same time I think people who support homosexuals are evil. What’s that about?”

On women in the church, Pope Francis said: “We must not restrict their roles. But obviously they can’t be priests. Their roles must be restricted.”

The increasingly agitated Pontiff added: “Basically, whatever I say I think, not that. The opposite.”

Psychiatrist Dr Alex Reid said: “His cerebral cortex, dealing with logic and reasoning, has been damaged by the contortions of leading an institution which, for example, condemns wealth while being unimaginably rich. Fuck’s that about?

“Offer him a cup of tea and he will probably accept, then throw the boiling hot beverage in your face. Then say sorry.”