April 9, 2016

Britain is devastated at the revelation its Tory leader thinks it’s fine for the rich to take every measure possible to avoid giving it any money.

The country had embraced David Cameron as modern-day Robin Hood, assuming he’d been indoctrinated with a zeal for social mobility as a pupil at Eton and a member of the Bullingdon Club.

The news his father would have probably buried money on the moon if it meant a reduction in his UK tax liability has sent the country into physical shock.

Geoff Capes, from Reading, said: “Who could believe it of a man with David Cameron’s face? There’s years of ordinary struggle etched onto that weather-beaten boat.

“Oh, wait. It’s like a posh piglet’s arse, isn’t it?

“I can’t think straight. I thought the Tories were tireless champions of equality and now nothing will ever make sense again.

“I keep picturing that election poster with the words ‘all in this together’ written across Britain. But now it says ‘Give me your money so I can add it to mine’ and the writing is on Mr Cameron’s face, and it’s his cum face, and Britain is the pig, and I don’t want to be in it, I don’t want to be in it.”