March 31, 2016
Putting a hashtag at the beginning of a phrase does not make it more interesting or true, marketeers have realised to their horror.
No symbol is capable of making pithy wisdom from nonsense, it has finally dawned on the overpaid cultural parasites.
For years they had assumed that, because hashtags sometimes appear alongside things people want to talk about, using one would make people talk about their shit too, however transparently corporate.
But now they realise that’s like thinking you can fly a plane because you have stolen a pilot’s hat.
Adrian Pennino, head of marketing for a London legal firm, said: “I thought I’d struck gold when I realised how big ‘PrayFor’ hashtags get. You know, like #PrayForProfitMargins. That’s one, isn’t it? It should be.
“I thought I could obviously just tell people to #PrayFor whatever I wanted and sit back and watch it trend.
“I tried #PrayForPersonalnjurySolicitors. Then #PrayForInjuries. I had a go with #PrayForAccidentsThatAreNotYourFault. Didn’t fucking work.”