Islamic extremists and white racists have found an unlikely common ground in their shared joy at everyone’s increasing intolerance of ordinary Muslims.

The two groups have begun talks over how they can work together to further fuel fear and hatred of non-violent Muslims while pursuing their separate goals of halting immigration and committing mass murder on an unprecedented scale.

However, early discussions are said to have been hampered by poor literacy and multiple beheadings.

Dave Shuttlecock, a white racist who attended the first meeting, said: “We tried to win them over by getting our best speller to make a banner with a passage from the Quran on it but he’d written ‘profit’ instead of ‘prophet’. They looked confused so he drew a picture and then it all went fucking mental.”

Martin Tenisball, a mortgage adviser from Stoke, said: “I don’t know how to hold terrorists accountable but I know how to be angry with the bloke who works in the chip shop and I think he’s Muslim so that will have to do.”