May 12, 2016

Donald Trump has expressed his first simple idea, confounding doctors who said it could never happen because his head contained only the long roots of his hair.

Until now he has frequently puckered his lips as if to speak, only to produce a sudden overpowering exhalation of wet-dog smell, clearing crowds like the involuntary anal emission of a rotting whale carcass on a beach.

But appearing at a campaign rally yesterday, he said: “If I could have an idea it would be a very good thing, and frankly that would be very, very good. Because if I do, and frankly if I do, it would be terrific.”

The Republican presidential candidate added: “I did words.”

The brief episode of partial coherence has led to speculation that the property magnate has had a brain transplant, albeit an unsuccessful one, perhaps involving an organ mix-up.

Dr Lighting Nightshade of London’s Institute for Working Out How Things Work, said: “It wasn’t as much a thought as a thought of a thought, which is even more incredible when you consider he’s nothing more than an organic ‘hair-growing’ Mr Potato Head.”

However, some leading scientists have said there is a simple explanation for the words he done.

Professor Brian Cox, Britain’s cleverest man, said: “The universe resists a vacuum, so his head has sucked in some words to fill the space inside, then expelled them randomly with wet-dog smell. The effect is exactly as if you were to put some words into a hat and then knock it over into some dog shit.”