June 2, 2016

ISIS has gained an Investors in People award for its people-focused approach to making people agree by killing them.

The award recognises the whacky terror group for leading by example in apparently actually believing it can indoctrinate the whole world with nonsense by killing everyone in it.

Investors in People judge Harry Callahan said: “Let’s say you’re mad. How do you make everyone else in the world mad? By killing everyone. It’s beautiful and perfect.

“Obviously it’s never actually going to work. It’s insane. That’s not the point. Or maybe it is.

“As an example of people-focused team building, it’s unparalleled. You may end up with a small team, but boy will it be focused. It’s focusing people to death.

“We hope that through this award we can show that there’s probably no real need to focus us to death. It’s sort of saying, ‘Hey, look bro, we’re already mad – we gave you clowns an award.’”