June 16, 2016

Sir Philip Green has revealed himself as a Sith Lord who has used his Top Shop and BHS empire as a cover for the rise of the Dark Side of the Force.

Darth Philip revealed his true form in a dramatic confrontation with the Work and Pensions Committee, which saw Jedi apprentice Richard Fuller MP attempt to choke the Sith Lord with a stare before being overcome by Force Lightening.

The confrontation ended after the MPs’ committee apologised for the collapse of BHS and offered to pay its pension deficit and in fact do anything to make Darth Philip go away.

Karen Buck MP said: “He said something about everything proceeding as he had foreseen and vanished.

“Perhaps the most frightening thing was, in his true form Philip Green isn’t green at all but the exact size, shape and colour of a large overripe orange.”