July 5, 2013

A confused xenophobe from Skegness says he is determined to continue voting for UKIP even after Britain leaves the European Union.

Matt Matthew says he was never really bothered about the EU but is instead attracted to UKIP as a circus of bigotry, nimbyism and astonishing gaffes.

“I enjoy checking the news every day to see what they’ve done this time,” said Matthew.

“Oh look, someone’s called a group of women sluts and walloped a reporter with a brochure. Now the leader’s blaming foreigners because he was late. Now one of them has a ‘problem with negroes’.

“It’s never less than brilliant.

“After a while you realise these people are capable of anything and you think ‘Leave the EU? Shit yeah. Whatever. This is the best show on Earth.’

“When I saw that picture of Nigel Farage standing on a tank, I honestly thought ‘Oh look, they’re invading France now,’ such is their capacity for poor judgment.

“Farage may be gone but UKIP remains a window to a less-enlightened past when everyone was mad, and that will always get my vote.”