Confused man still determined to vote UKIP

July 5, 2013

A confused xenophobe from Skegness says he is determined to continue voting for UKIP even after Britain leaves the European Union.

Nigel Farage on a tank
Farage invades France. “We’re taking our country back. Aha!”

Matt Matthew says he was never really bothered about the EU but is instead attracted to UKIP as a circus of bigotry, nimbyism and astonishing gaffes.

“I enjoy checking the news every day to see what they’ve done this time,” said Matthew.

“Oh look, someone’s called a group of women sluts and walloped a reporter with a brochure. Now the leader’s blaming foreigners because he was late. Now one of them has a ‘problem with negroes’.

“It’s never less than brilliant.

“After a while you realise these people are capable of anything and you think ‘Leave the EU? Shit yeah. Whatever. This is the best show on Earth.’

“When I saw that picture of Nigel Farage standing on a tank, I honestly thought ‘Oh look, they’re invading France now,’ such is their capacity for poor judgment.

“Farage may be gone but UKIP remains a window to a less-enlightened past when everyone was mad, and that will always get my vote.”

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