Tarantula takes first victory in Tory leadership race

July 6, 2016

Tory leadership hopefuls Theresa May, Michael Gove and Andrea Leadsom have been beaten in the first round of voting by an enormous venomous tarantula.

tarantula
“Compasssion”: the left-leaning Tory spider

Many Tory MPs believe none of the other candidates will do as well at showing the party’s caring side as the tarantula, which fires stinging hairs to incapacitate enemies before eating them alive.

Former chancellor Ken Clarke said: “Michael Gove has the charisma, glamour and murderous intent of a tarantula. Andrea Leadsom has the compassion and integrity of a tarantula. Theresa May has the diplomacy of a tarantula.

“So I think many MPs think let’s just have a tarantula.

“It’s got a fluffy exterior but regards anything weaker than it as something to be subdued and consumed, which is really where the party wants to go now.”

The tarantula is also expected to gain the backing of Ruport Murdoch and Daily Mail editor Paul Dacre, who will stand on it.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s