Nation united in certainty of not missing George Osborne

July 14, 2016

Britain is enjoying a rare sense of unity today as everyone agrees that whatever else happens, no one will miss George Osborne.

George Osborne
Fuckity-bye

People of all political persuasions experienced some degree of amusement as three weeks of hiding in a cupboard at Number 11 ended with the chancellor’s sacking, although the main feeling across the nation was absolutely nothing.

Full-time mum-of-two Katherine Hudson, from Stevenage, said: “Oh, look at that. A glittering ministerial careering ending as an adjunct to more important news, and not a single objection from anyone. Now then, what was I doing?”

Sean Carter, a teacher from Bristol, said: “Remain or Leave, English, Welsh, Scots or Northern Irish, Left or Right, everyone can today unite in feeling something between satisfaction and complete indifference at this news.

“This is what the nation needed.”

And Tom Woodward, a plumber from Cardiff, said: “Oh, him. Would you pass me that adjustable spanner, please?”

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