Mount Everest seeks Jeremy Corbyn’s advice on how to stay put

Concern over how to resist gradual forces of change has prompted Mount Everest to seek advice from the universe’s only known constant, Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn.

The Big Crunch, which Jeremy Corbyn is expected to survive

While erosion could reduce the world’s tallest mountain to a hill in 10 million years, scientists agree that Corbyn has been leader of the Labour party since the universe was a second old and will remain so after its death.

Mount Everest said: “Like Corbyn, I intend to be in the same position long after everything around me has eroded to nothing, rendering the position itself meaningless.

“Currently, tectonic forces cause me to actually move a few inches every year. In contrast, a million years from now Jeremy Corbyn is expected to be in the sea, unaffected by the Earth’s shifting plates.

“He’s the man I need to speak to, although obviously I’ll have to go to him.”

Science world champion Professor Brian Cox said: “When you travel fast, time runs slowly relative to people who are still. As you approach the speed of light your clock runs so slowly that you could arrive 10,000 years in the future, and meet Jeremy Corbyn.”

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