July 31, 2016

Sensible people across the country are amused by Steven Woolfe missing UKIP’s leadership application deadline but also concerned by what sort of fucking idiot could possibly take his place.

People with brains are unanimously delighted by UKIP’s very best being staggeringly ineffective while grimly wondering if the second best will be an actual bulldog in a St George’s Cross T-shirt chasing a Polish shopkeeper.

Comparisons have been made with Monty Python’s classic Upper Class Twit of the Year sketch, in which the frontrunner runs himself over to lose to someone less competent, with the footnote that that was funny and UKIP is a big hat of bigoted shit.

Brain owner Jim Keats said: “Actually I’m hopeful about this. Application deadlines aren’t moving targets, are they? If UKIP’s best couldn’t hit one, there’s a reasonable chance the second best will have his form-signing hand stuck in a jam jar, or his head stuck between two banister rails.”