August 2, 2016

The year 2016 is a mix-up involving reality and the script for a TV mini-series about the end of the world, it has been confirmed.

Writer Alex Reid says life is precisely mimicking his apocalyptic drama while TV bosses say the script they received from him in the post is a list of dull events that might characterise political stability.

He said: “Britain heads down a path of self-destruction driven by ignorance, xenophobia and over-blown patriotism. A sinister unelected Tory-right prime minister enters Number 10 while Labour is paralysed by internal conflict at the worst possible time, opening a window of opportunity to the far right with grim echoes of history that everyone seems too stupid to see.

“Just as it looks like no one in the world could be bigger dicks, America confuses reality TV with actual politics and elects a man notable only for inherited wealth, bankruptcy and an astonishingly bad attempt to disguise hair loss.

“All the bad decisions are fuelled by atrocities committed by religious maniacs who believe the world is going to crumble, and they’re only encouraged by it all because they interpret the unfolding chaos as a sign it’s starting to happen

“That’s my story and it’s brilliant. But Sky Atlantic is asking me why I’ve submitted a script about slightly surprising by-election results and a balanced government broadly working in the country’s interests.

“And have you seen the news lately?

“Anyway, if you’ll excuse me I’m going back to the bunker, because I know how this ends.”

In other news, the Writer’s Guild is suing politics for creating ‘unreasonable working conditions’ by being more entertaining than anything anyone could invent.