August 4, 2016

The candidates remaining in UKIP’s leadership race are MEPs Bill Etheridge, a cunt, Diane James, a cunt, and Jonathan Arnott, a cunt.

Also running will be cunts Lisa Duffy, Phillip Broughton and Elizabeth Jones.

It comes after former favourite Steven Woolfe was barred from the contest for being a useless lying wanker.

Three members of UKIP’s ruling body resigned following Mr Woolfe’s barring while main donor Arron Banks threatened to split the party, leaving onlookers thinking for heaven’s sake just pick a cunt, you seem to have enough.

Onlooker Will Bodie said: “Who the fuck is Arron Banks? No wait, I can get this. A cunt.”

Fellow onlooker Ray Doyle said: “I was briefly interested in the contest but then I realised it’s like a slow-motion race of ferrets up your trouser-leg to bite you on the penis.”