August 11, 2016

A deranged gun enthusiast has been inspired to use his vote to stop Hilary Clinton after Donald Trump’s unambiguous message that there’s no other possible way.

Unstable and deeply disturbed Jon Baker was cleaning his treasured M40 rifle and pondering its impotence against democratic rule when he heard Trump say that ‘maybe there is’ something he could do and his mind immediately turned to the ballot box.

Baker, who hears voices in his head, said: “It’s clever how he didn’t complete the sentence, letting me finish it my mind, in the absolute certainty that the only possible ending is …by voting. I’m mean what other possible, erm.

“What?

“The TV was on and I could see his lips moving so I know it definitely wasn’t the massive rabbit.

“It’s really helped me come to a decision about voting because until that point I’d been planning to shoot her.”