August 25, 2016

There’s no need for extra limos because Richard Branson immediately found a seat in his with several to spare, the business mogul has confirmed.

Although he sat on the floor momentarily, it was purely an exercise to help him imagine what it would be like to travel on a train, the Virgin boss said.

But anyone feeling like making an issue over seating had better not, because CCTV showed there was a vacant one on the 3.15pm from London to Manchester on July 31, Branson added.

He said: “Of course trains are overcrowded. It would take someone divorced from reality, perhaps by virtue of obscene wealth, to try to undermine that point. A billionaire tax-exile for example.

“Certainly someone who never has to get a fucking train.

“But instead of indisputable fact, let us focus on this photo of a seat left vacant briefly while a passenger went to the toilet. And indeed this one, of the passenger on the toilet.

“Because I have CCTV my friend, and I’m willing to use to it.

“You thought it was for security, didn’t you it? It is; the security of my business interests.

“Although I also have a private collection of images for ‘entertainment’.

“For the avoidance of doubt, I’m talking about wanking.

“So if you’re thinking of taking a photo of people standing in a crowded vestibule, walk on, literally, past one of my ‘security’ cameras, and remember: I may have missed out on the National Lottery but it could still be you.”