August 31, 2016

A man who went to great lengths to avoid paying tax is unaccountably furious at having to cough up just like everyone else.

George Cowley has been entirely taken by surprise by the notion of social responsibility after tax investigators found his business wasn’t really based in JRR Tolkien’s Middle-Earth as he had claimed.

The taxi driver, who last year paid 1p tax on his earnings as a ‘Rivendell ferryman’, said the ruling was a threat to jobs because multinational companies were actually willing to move to an elven town if it meant avoiding paying their dues.

Cowley said: “I understand civilised society depends on taxes to pay for things like schools and hospitals. But not from me. I don’t need a hospital.

“You will though, if you don’t drop it.”

A friend of Mr Cowley’s said: “Honestly, it’s not worth it. I asked if it was his round in the pub the other day. He muttered something about “cheap retroactive money-grab” and poured his drink over my head.

“He’s a grade-A mother-fucker.”

Theresa May has said Cowley can move his hobbit taxi firm to the UK as she also enthusiastically believes only little people should pay tax.