September 4, 2016

Everyone is of course entitled to wear whatever they fucking well like no matter how impractical or ridiculous, according to Britain before it went mad.

As long as you wear something, it could be the full armour of a medieval knight and it’s not a matter you are required to explain, much less against the law, Britain’s more tolerant former self said.

Speaking after a YouGov survey found overwhelming public support for a burka ban, Britain of the past said: “As far as I’m concerned, you can wear a full-length spandex body sock with a small hole in it to put a daffodil in your anus, and you won’t get arrested.

“Call me a leftie liberal, but I don’t criminalise people just because I don’t like their clothes, because that would be a concession to extremism, not a weapon against it, and because YOU CAN’T TELL PEOPLE WHAT TO WEAR.

“Make no mistake, I may think you look fucking stupid, but being stupid isn’t against the law either. I assume we still have that much in common, since the 57% who said ban the burka remain at large.

“Maybe they always were, and I never really existed at all.

“Still, fuck you.”