September 5, 2016

Brexit is going to be awful, according to government ministers tasked with finding the only remaining unbroken pledge of the Leave campaign.

While promises of extra NHS funding and a points-based immigration system were bollox, leaving the EU really will be every bit as bad for the country as anticipated, according to the government’s Brexit department.

A spokesperson said: “Scrapping VAT on fuel bills and contributions to the EU – that was bullshit too.

“However, we remain fully committed to the promise of a possible period of economic uncertainty which will be worth it in the end.

“Except for the part about ‘worth it in the end’.

“Also the word ‘possible’. We meant ‘devastating and permanent’.

“The good news is we’re on target to over-deliver on predictions it might be a bit shit.

“It’s going to be the stupidest thing the country ever did. Is, in fact.”

Prime minister Theresa May said: “Brexit doesn’t mean Brexit. Brexit means stupid.”