September 6, 2016

Concern has arisen for the mental state of Brexit Secretary David Davis after a bizarre Commons statement in which he displayed the planning skills of a door handle.

After months of preparation Mr Davis was expected to detail exactly how Britain will leave the EU but instead told MPs: “Look, there’s something on the ceiling,” before attempting to flee the Chamber.

He was thwarted by a door which he repeatedly tried to open into his own face, and forced to take questions from frustrated MPs, to which he gave incoherent replies read from a crumpled piece of paper.

Asked by Shadow Brexit secretary Emily Thornberry what Brexit meant, he said: “Best deal for Britain leave EU, simples.”

On whether Britain would retain access to the Single Market, he said: “Brexit. Brexit?”

After a long silence Mr Davis was asked by Speaker John Bercow to show the Chamber his piece of paper, and held up a badly drawn cock and balls.

“What’s that?” said Mr Bercow.

Mr Davis hestitated before replying: “Plan cock?”

“You’re the plan cock,” yelled Tory Remainer Ken Clarke.

Mr Davis also faced shouts of “Twat” and “Massive twat” from the SNP.