Government reveals plan to seal Britain under impenetrable dome

September 8, 2016

Plans to seal Britain within an impermeable and indestructible dome which will outlast mankind have been revealed.

under-the-dome
A publicity image for the TV adaptation of Stephen King’s Under the Dome, in which everyone dies. “Yes, like that,” said Goodwill.

Immigration minister Robert Goodwill said the slow death of everyone as supplies dwindled would mean fewer foreigners.

He said: “We’ve done the fences. We’ve done the Calais wall. People are still getting through so now this is happening.”

Home Secretary Amber Rudd said the idea was inspired by “a brilliant book about a town that gets isolated from the rest of the world by a mysterious dome.

“I didn’t finish it but I’m fairly sure the economy boomed and everyone under the dome prospered,” she said.

“There weren’t any migrants.”

The dome will make access to the European single market unlikely according to David Davis but Theresa May has accused the Brexit Secretary of “talking out of his arse as usual”.

On the detail of how goods and services could be exchanged through an impenetrable object, a spokesperson for the prime minister said: “Just stop asking questions now.”

Daily Express reader Bill Bodie said critics of the plan “hate Britain”.

He said: “It’s project fear all over again. We were fine before we were born so we’ll be fine after we’re all dead.

“What has being alive ever done for us anyway?”

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