September 28, 2016

Boris Johnson has derailed any possible trade deal with Ankara by saying the “clearly malfunctioning” machine he uses to style his hair was made in Turkey.

On his first official trip to Turkey since becoming Foreign Secretary, Mr Johnson told a press conference: “I’m sorry about my hair. I have a hairdryer made in Turkey which, as you can see, is broken.

“I’m here for a refund. It makes me look like a dick.”

Demonstrating to an irritated press pack, Johnson held the hairdryer the wrong way round, so that it sucked his hair into the back, causing the device to overheat and the room to fill with smoke.

Turkish EU Affairs Minister Omer Celik said: “I think he gave himself an electric shock, because his eyeballs rolled back in their sockets and he started shaking, like he was having some kind of seizure.

“Then a fuse in the building blew and all the lights went out.

“The man’s a towering arse.”

Introducing the Foreign Secretary, Mr Celik had said: “He campaigned for Britain to do something that he himself didn’t want to happen, and now in revenge Britain’s prime minister has sent him here to help do it – Boris Johnson.”