October 12, 2016

Leavers have at last shown willingness to listen to facts over Brexit after being unable to buy the Pot Noodle they wanted for lunch.

As supplies of Unilever products dwindled at Tesco amid a row over the plummeting pound, Remainers expressed delight at having struck upon a currency Brexiters seemed able to appreciate.

Remainer Will Bodie said: “Job losses, shrinking economy, the rise of intolerance and hate crime – they’re all just words, aren’t they?

“A £1 plastic pot of dehydrated noodles and flavouring requiring only the addition of water from a kettle – that’s dinner.

“Of course it will be more like £2 by the time it’s back on the shelves but let’s keep it simple for fuck’s sake: there were Pot Noodles; now there are no Pot Noodles.

“I had my longest yet fact-based Brexit discussion with a Leaver today. It lasted two minutes without diversion into xenophobic anecdote, misguided patriotism or undisguised racism.

“Admittedly there was a lot of repetition of ‘Where are the Pot Noodles?’ ‘There are no Pot Noodles.’

“Then he said he was going to get a kebab.”

Brexiter Ray Doyle said: “Yeah, all right, I get it, I see, no Pot Noodles. But, I’ve heard it’s because immigrants ate them.”