November 4, 2016

Daily Express readers were ready to respond to the paper’s call for civil unrest today before being plunged into confusion by a Franz Kafka reference four columns in.

In a special commemorative hate edition, the far-right newspaper compared yesterday’s Brexit court ruling to the threat of Nazi invasion in World War II and said democracy had ‘died’ because its billionaire pornographer owner hadn’t got his way.

Express reader Ray Doyle said: “It starts with the balanced and reasonable claim that ‘Today this country faces a crisis as grave as anything since Churchill vowed we would fight them on the beaches.’ I get that. It’s not insane. I mean there was that time when Ola Jordan said Strictly results were fixed but the Nazis were probably worse.

“Then it said ‘how we celebrated’ when billionaire pornographer Richard Desmond got the result he wanted in the referendum. Fair enough. I’m sure he had a big wank.

“It goes on to say ‘Truly, November 3, 2016, was the day democracy died.’ Nothing of note there.

“Then it says ‘Your country needs you to fight.’

“So I’m all ready to go and start a riot in Marks & Spencers but I get to column four and it says the court decision ‘is a plot too improbable even for a Franz Kafka novel’.

“I’m like, why is this paper printed in Dutch?

“Bloody EU no doubt.”

The Express was one of several papers to devote its front page entirely to astonishing bullshit today.

Others included The Sun, which slammed ‘loaded foreign elite’ campaigners for defying the paper’s billionaire Australian owner, and enemy of the people The Daily Mail, which called the judges ‘Enemies of the people’.