November 10, 2016

Democracy is clearly absolute bollocks, since people will vote themselves up a gushing river of shit and capsize the boat in a referendum, political philosophers have confirmed.

The world’s greatest political thinkers examined events of 2016 and concluded that, while democracy remains the best system of government available, it’s bollocks.

Leading political philosopher George Cowley said: “Using Abraham Lincoln’s definition of democracy – government of the people, by the people, for the people – we discovered a problem: people. They’re twats.

“We would have anticipated that some Americans would vote a dangerous demagogue and racist misogynist child into the most powerful job in the world – but a majority?

“Just like Britain being persuaded to jump off an economic cliff on the promise of fewer foreigners at the bottom, it defied all our models, until we asked: what would twats do?

“What if the definition was ‘Government of twats, by twats, for twats’?

“This was a really exciting moment, what you might call a eureka moment, explaining everything.

“We held a vote on whether to put the phrase forward as a new definition of democracy and the decision was to throw out the foreigners taking our jobs.”