Socialism won’t be a thing anymore and the hole it leaves in the political spectrum will be plugged with racism under plans announced by UKIP’s new leader.
Notions of social responsibility will be replaced with politically illiterate bigotry under the banner of “patriotism”, according to hate-fuelled northern fucknuckle Paul Nuttall.
Addressing a crowd of fellow fucknuckles in his acceptance speech, Nuttall said UKIP would replace Labour by convincing all the people who believe in fairness that they need to be afraid of foreigners instead.
Nuttall said: “My ambition is not insignificant. I want to get all the little bits of belief in an equal distribution of wealth and turn them into an irrational sense of national pride and egotism.”
Belief in workers’ rights will be replaced with a conviction that the poor just don’t try hard enough and concern over climate change with fear of rapists, he added.
Gullible swing voter Ray Doyle said: “My political choices are motivated by fear and dread, so let’s do this.”