January 6, 2016

British people are no more willing to accept non-English speaking immigrants than they are to say anything in foreign when abroad, it has been confirmed.

New arrivals in the country, whose population communicates when abroad by talking loudly and slowly in English, will not be admitted until they have also learned to speak ‘properly’.

Britain’s all-party parliamentary group on social integration says English is ‘prerequisite for meaningful engagement with most British people’ and that’s why they communicate in foreign countries by repeating themselves in English with growing irritation.

A study by the group concludes: ‘Britain is a proud nation whose only concession to foreign languages while abroad is to ask – in English – “Do you speak English?”

‘Occasionally we might add “Does anyone else speak English then?” If that’s not enough then frankly you’re being a bit rude.

‘So you certainly shouldn’t expect us to put up with mumbo jumbo when you come here.

‘We simply can’t be arsed.’