January 19, 2017

Theresa May is under the impression that asking for the same impossible thing enough times will make it happen, it has emerged.

Having been told Britain cannot be in the single market without the obligations of EU membership, she is insisting on a completely free trade deal without the obligations of EU membership, like a five-year-old demanding pudding before dinner.

Explaining her Brexit plan, Mrs May said: “I want a Brexit. I want an exit. I want a red white and blue Brexit, I don’t care who makes it, I want it now.

“Give it to me.”

Five-year-old child Mary Lacey said: “I adopted a similar ‘plan’ to get a hoverboard. When they got me one of those self-balancing things, I smashed it to tiny pieces, because I meant a real one, like in Back to the Future.

“I think the important thing for the prime minister to note here is that I now don’t have either.”