Theresa May conjures spirit of Vlad the Impaler and invites him on state visit

Theresa May has summoned the spirit of history’s cruelest tyrant and invited him on a state visit in the hope of securing a post-Brexit trade deal.

Vlad Dracula’s mass impalings didn’t affect the British, Boris Johnson has claimed.

Downing Street has said it looks forward to welcoming a reanimated Vlad the Impaler despite claims by critics it will cause embarrassment for the Queen and possibly impalement.

A Downing Street spokesman said: “Vlad Dracula’s impalement policies are a matter for Vlad Dracula.

“Stakes. He must need stakes.

“We do not agree with Vlad Dracula’s approach but frankly we’d have Bram Stoker’s Dracula or Zoltan the hound of Dracula if we thought he might sign an arms deal.

“We’re not in a position to demonise potential friends and partners. Not even a demon horde, which he may bring with him.”

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