Oh no, how will we reach the US now? Isis asks

Donald Trump’s Muslim ban is the most brilliant defensive stratagem Isis has ever seen and means the ‘holy war’ is effectively off, the group has confirmed.

trump-draws
President Trump reveals his plans to defeat Isis.

Never in all the group’s plotting for an apocalyptic battle with Christianity did it prepare for anything that looks like open discrimination against Muslims by Christians, least of all from the US, jihadis admit.

A source told Swan Bake: “It’s checkmate for us I’m afraid. We just can’t see any way to play this to our advantage.

“Our plan has always hinged on moving the same small band of lunatics from one country to another. That’s all. Seems silly now, doesn’t it? We just never prepared for Trump’s masterstroke of literally alienating all Muslims.

“It’s taken his and Steve Bannon’s brilliance for us to see this weakness in our approach.

“We had an Isis meeting about what on Earth to do and one jihadi actually said the Muslim ban might help us radicalise vulnerable young minds already in the US.

“Imagine that! He was really clutching at straws. He was roundly told that no one already in America would feel disaffected enough. Trump has made sure of that by being such a unifying force as a leader.

“And by the way, if any vulnerable young Americans do blow themselves and a lot of other people up, it will be the fault of those lawyers who tried to halt this genius ban, as president Trump has made clear on Twitter.”

Our jihadi source added: “The most frustrating part is, with so many brothers killed recently, there are only seven of us left, so the last thing we need is a damned recruitment crisis.

“Laughing? Who’s laughing? I didn’t laugh.”

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