An exasperated Vladimir Putin interrupted Donald Trump during a rambling telephone conversation to ask to speak to Hilary Clinton or any other adult present.
After 10 minutes of listening to Trump repeat “I am so popular. So popular,” the Russian president said: “Donald! Who’s looking after you today?”
Trump replied: “Everyone looks after me. Everyone loves me. So much-”
“Who got you dressed?” interrupted Putin. “I need to talk to someone about grown-up stuff. The New START nuclear warhead treaty. I want to make it longer.”
Trump’s end of the line is then understood to have gone quiet as he Googled ‘Noo strt nucular treet e’ before taking the receiver again to say: “Your warheads are already too long. We’re going to make ours longer. So long. You won’t believe how long-”
“Hilary! Where’s Hilary?” Putin interrupted again.
“I’m so smart,” said Trump.
Putin then terminated the call and phoned Mrs Clinton directly to say: “My puppet. It’s an insane moron.”
A White House source told Swan Bake: “Putin hung up? But the president is still on the line to him, telling him about his massive hands.”