One way to avoid being viewed as bastards would be to stop being a bunch of bastards, the Conservative Party has been told.
After Tory MP Nicky Morgan said the party’s rejection of child refugees meant it “must work doubly hard to avoid appearing to know the price of everything and the value of nothing,” voters have suggested simply not being like that.
Voter Ray Doyle said: “I had a very similar problem. I used to be a bastard and I really struggled with the problem of how not to appear a bastard. Then I tried not being a bastard. After that I stopped appearing to be a bastard.”
Will Bodie, another voter, said: “In a similar vein, everyone used to think I was a motherfucker. Then they stopped thinking I was a motherfucker.
“This was after I stopped being a motherfucker.”
Political commentator George Cowley said: “It’s easy to see why the Conservative Party would work hard to ‘avoid appearing’ to be bastards rather than just not be bastards.
“It is because they are bastards.”
Responding to the suggestion that they just stop being bastards, a Tory spokesperson said: “We are bastards.”
Press for clarification of why the party didn’t try not being bastards then, the spokesperson added: “We are bastards.”