May’s memo to Hammond: ‘It better be fucking funny’

A leaked email has revealed Theresa May told Philip Hammond to ‘at least tell some fucking jokes’ in his Budget speech adding ‘because we are shit’.

Theresa May laughing
Experts say some of the robots have begun to malfunction.

The email was a reply to one from the Chancellor setting out how the Conservative Party’s ‘delivery on promises since election’ would look following the Budget, which read:

‘Promise: not to raise National Insurance

‘Delivered: National Insurance raise

‘Promise: a “society that works for everyone”

‘Delivered: £2bn taken from low earners while my predecessor earns £650,000 a year working four days a month.

‘Promise: [ahead of 2015 election] “Britain faces a simple and inescapable choice – stability and strong government with the Conservatives, or chaos with Ed Milliband.”

‘Delivered: massively fucked it like you would not believe.’

Cameron election tweet
Nice one, Dave.

The Prime Minister’s reply said: ‘Tell some fucking jokes. About Corbyn.’

Average voter Ray Doyle said: “Yes, the Tories may be an explosion of shit but Hammond would clearly make a slightly less terrible stand-up comedian than Corbyn and that is after all what counts in politics.”

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