A leaked email has revealed Theresa May told Philip Hammond to ‘at least tell some fucking jokes’ in his Budget speech adding ‘because we are shit’.

The email was a reply to one from the Chancellor setting out how the Conservative Party’s ‘delivery on promises since election’ would look following the Budget, which read:

‘Promise: not to raise National Insurance

‘Delivered: National Insurance raise

‘Promise: a “society that works for everyone”

‘Delivered: £2bn taken from low earners while my predecessor earns £650,000 a year working four days a month.

‘Promise: [ahead of 2015 election] “Britain faces a simple and inescapable choice – stability and strong government with the Conservatives, or chaos with Ed Milliband.”

‘Delivered: massively fucked it like you would not believe.’

The Prime Minister’s reply said: ‘Tell some fucking jokes. About Corbyn.’

Average voter Ray Doyle said: “Yes, the Tories may be an explosion of shit but Hammond would clearly make a slightly less terrible stand-up comedian than Corbyn and that is after all what counts in politics.”