George Osborne has been appointed lead officer in the police investigation into Tory election fraud, it was announced today.

The Tory MP has also been appointed Chief Constable at the 12 police forces that have collected evidence of alleged election fraud by 20 Tory MPs.

He will be paid a full salary in return for five minutes’ work a week in each post, leaving him time to apply for other jobs including chairman of the Electoral Commission.

Dismissing claims of a conflict of interest, the former Chancellor said he would be “independent and fearless” in taking whatever other jobs came his way at the Masonic Lodge because “nobody will be able to touch me if I can only get all the jobs”.

Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn said: “This takes the piss.

“I can’t even do one job.”