Everyone who says Brexit can still be stopped should cease making that claim and instead do something or at least shut the fuck up, Remainers have agreed.

After former Lib-Dem leader Paddy Ashdown wrote in a newspaper that it’s ‘still possible to stop this madness,’ Remainers everywhere thought ‘It might be possible to make diamonds from shit Paddy but it’s not much use unless we know how.’

Remainer Ray Doyle said: “Imagine if I travelled back in time to the Middle Ages when everyone died from a poor grasp of hygiene and said ‘This can be stopped’ and then fucked off in my time machine without another word.

“That’s how helpful this has been, Paddy.”

Fellow Remainer Will Bodie said: “We know ‘Brexit is a monumental act of self-harm which will bewilder historians,’ Paddy. But can it really be stopped? How, Paddy? Tell us how. Or do it.

“Or just fuck off.”

However, responding to a similar claim by former Prime Minister Tony Blair, all Remainers said: “Not you.”