Theresa May says any recent impression that she is incompetent is the influence of the Dark Wizard Voldemort and must be resisted for the sake of Britain.

After details emerged of what an arse she is already making of Brexit negotiations, a shaken Prime Minister stood outside Downing Street to say that it was all a spell cast by the Dark Lord.

Mrs May said: “The continental press is saying I’m a fool. European politicians are saying I’m a fool. Right now you may think I am a fool. This is the Dark Lord seizing control of your mind.

“Now, there is every possibility that by polling day on June 8th I will appear even more stupid. That is why it is so important that you see these thoughts as an attack on Britain which only I can fight. Please see them as that.

“Your choice is a strong and stable Conservative government or enslavement to the forces of darkness. I know they sound the same but that’s him again.

“Any vote other than for the Conservatives is a vote for He Who Cannot Be Named.

“And I don’t mean the leader of the Labour Party whose name you sometimes forget.”