No one has ever survived so many fuck-ups during first four months in a job, Trump assured

Most people don’t get away with a single colossal fuck-up during their first four months in a job, let alone one a day, Donald Trump has been assured.

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After the US president complained that “no politician in history has been treated worse”, critics and supporters alike rallied to reassure him that people had been sacked from Kentucky Fried Chicken for saying less stupid things.

KFC worker Ray Doyle said: “The first few months are basically a trial in which even one devastating scandal would do it.

“Lying about everything, calling everyone who questions you a liar, basically talking unremitting bullshit – I’d be doing well if I got away with that for a day, never mind every day for four months.”

Will Bodie, who serves food at Subway, said: “I couldn’t actually endanger lives by blabbing secrets to a rival. There just isn’t the scope in this job for me to fuck up that badly. I suppose the nearest equivalent would be putting poison in the Subs and it’s an unspoken rule that that is not on.

“But let’s say for the sake of argument that I was investigated for blabbing secrets and I tried to influence the investigator and then got away with firing them like I thought I was still on reality TV.

“Well, it’s all just beyond the pale. I’d be giving myself a big pat on the back, never mind talking more shit about unfair treatment.”

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