Murdoch announces election result

The UK will today again vote in the interests of Rupert Murdoch, he has confirmed.

Sun front page election day 2017

The billionaire media mogul this morning ended weeks of uncertainty by using his flagship newspaper to tell the country what is going to happen.

The early confirmation of the election result saves voters any further deliberation or speculation on polling day, now that they all know what they are to do.

Voter Ray Doyle said: “I’m not sure why I must vote Tory because it doesn’t say. It only says why I mustn’t not vote Tory. Voting Tory must be like breathing.

“Should I breathe? Rupert hasn’t said. On no, now I’ve died.”

Fellow voter Will Bodie said: “Other papers are still talking about what might happen. Why didn’t they read this?

“I don’t know why we even bothered with this election when we can let the world’s most manipulative man decide again.

“Given his rampant privilege and power, his newspapers could be taken as a barometer of exactly what not to do, but it doesn’t say that here so I’m not making that connection.”

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