Theresa May to keep saying the word ‘stability’ even when no one is listening anymore

Theresa May will continue to repeat the word “stability” long after everyone has stopped listening, Conservative sources have confirmed.

Theresa May weak and wobbly

Despite a career characterised by havoc, the Prime Minister will continue to promise stability in response to any question she is asked for the rest of her life, and beyond, sources say.

A source said: “She doesn’t in fact require questions. We’ve come to the conclusion she doesn’t hear them.

“Ask her some questions, about anything you want, and then stop asking her questions and note the impact on the frequency at which she promises stability: none.

“If Theresa May falls down in the woods and there is no one around to hear, does she still say ‘I am very clear that what is needed is the stability only I can offer’?

“Yes, she does.

“Her epitaph will read ‘I told you I would achieve stability.’”

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