Has anyone checked if she’s actually all right? the country has asked after noticing the helpless look in Theresa May’s eyes.

Concerns were raised after the Prime Minister’s desperate and pleading expression was noticed at the end of each of her robotic speeches, as if she were trying to add “Help me.”

Ray Doyle, who watched her on the news at his home in Reading, said: “Um. That woman. Was she the Prime Minister? Only the last person I saw with a face like that was Arthur in EastEnders after he stole the Christmas club’s savings.

“And he did not provide strong and stable leadership in the national interest and get the best deal for Brexit.”

Will Bodie of Basildon said: “That occasional crack in her voice – I always thought it was just an idiosyncrasy. I now realise it’s a widening chasm in her fragile sanity.

“Just as well she and this whole Brexit with no government thing is just an EastEnders storyline and this isn’t the news about this actual country.

“What?”