Who is going to pay to end austerity? says woman in £1,000 trousers

A woman wearing a pair of leather trousers that cost £1,000 has explained to Britain the importance of living within its means.

“Look at me, living within my means. Fuck’s wrong with you?”

Theresa May, whose husband is senior executive at a $1.4 trillion investment fund, has explained that literally no one in the country has the money to pay nurses more and so it would require borrowing instead.

Mrs May, also wearing a £500 cashmere sweater, told Britain: “Do you want to go bankrupt? Do you?

“Because it’s all very well saying things like ‘Five pairs of my trousers would have paid for safe cladding at Grenfell’ – but then who would have paid for the five pairs of trousers?

“There’s isn’t a magic £1,000 leather trouser tree, you know.”

Mrs May, who spent £1 billion of the country’s money in order to retain control of it, added: “So we’d have to increase the deficit, like Greece, and there would be no jobs or nurses at all, and I would still have my leather trousers.”

Former prime minister David Cameron, architect of austerity and personally worth £40 million, waded in to tell the country: “You selfish bastards.”

David Cameron eats money
“Food banks? Why don’t they just eat money?”

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