Cars that use fossil fuel will be banned from the roads when they stop working because it has all run out, the Government is expected to announce.
In a move to stop people thinking about chlorinated chickens, Environment Secretary Micheal Gove will propose not simply leaving the cars in the road where they finally splutter to a halt.
And manufacturers will be required to start selling different sorts of cars that can still move without being pushed.
A Government spokesman said: “Poor air quality is the biggest environmental risk to public health so the last thing we want is people breathing in more of that shit because they are pushing their cars.
“That is why we will say to people, ‘Stop that, it’s not working, do something else, don’t leave your car there,’ and to manufacturers, ‘Make cars that work on something else now. We have some cheap chicken if that’s any help.’”
Prof Brian Cox, an automotive industry expert at Aston Martin University, said: “The timescale involved here is sufficiently long-term for the proposals to be of no real consequence, so yeah, all right, whatever. We’ll all ride chickens or something.”